Hitori
by Ms. Mumpsimus
Summary: "Just keep on fighting, Chocobo-head. I'll protect you. Always have. Always will."


**Disclaimer:** I do not own FFVII.

**Words:** 1,624

**Author's Notes:** *Quark!*

**Unbeta'ed. **Please do not kill me.

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Cloud: Are sins... ever forgiven?  
Vincent Valentine: ...I've never tried.  
Cloud: Well, I'm gonna try. – **Advent Children**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Hitomi no oku ga boyake te mie nai  
kokoro no soko no kimochi wa aru no?  
sekai no subete wo te ni shi ta toshite mo  
sore ga anata no shiawase na no?_

**Cruel**

Cloud always knew that he would be alone forever.

If someone would dare ask why, he will simply answer, 'because I'm no good and I couldn't even protect myself from iniquities'

He was not exactly a shining example of sociability when he was little. In fact, he was often shunned by kids his age because of his aloofness and detachment to others.

He was quiet and timid and they unsurprisingly mistaken it for being cold and snob.

But the truth is, he just wanted to be accepted.

He just wanted to have a friend.

Someone who would offer him candy when he was down or when someone in his class would kick his bag for no apparent reason at all.

Someone who would put their arms around his shoulders when he _accidentally _tripped around his way home in a flat and smooth road and laughter would be heard around the place afterwards.

Someone who would help him find his pens when they suddenly got missing on his desk then after a few days, he would see one of his classmates using the exact pen he lost days before.

Someone who would not get annoyed if he cried and would not laughed if he cried _too_ hard, hiccupping and all.

Cloud really just wanted to have a friend.

He longed for someone who would understand him for what he was.

However, in the end, Cloud was still left alone.

It never changed.

Life was cruel, that's what he learned.

_Why kodoku na sora wo miageru no?  
Why waratte mise te yo_

**Lie**

Then he grew. Like all the other kids, he grew,

But unlike some of the kids on their town, he remained short for his age. He was still pale and he was still the scrawny-looking kid he was before.

But somewhere along the way, he knew something inside him changed. Something he didn't quite put a finger on. But he knew he changed.

Because you couldn't grew without changing.

Because change was the only thing constant in this world – In Cloud's world.

Then he learned about SOLDIERS and Sepiroth's gallant and heroic deeds was imprinted on his very being.

Suddenly, Cloud wanted to be just like him.

Sepiroth was a hero.

He was strong.

He was everything Cloud couldn't be.

And yet, amidst all the difference, at the end of the day, he couldn't helped but think about being a hero.

About being strong.

About being A SOLDIER.

He dreamed of joining the Shinra one day.

He dreamed of becoming Sepiroth, a _hero._

He dreamed of becoming something of value to others.

Cloud dreamed of so many things but the only dream that remained was his dream of becoming a SOLDIER so he joined them.

Cloud knew he was alone.

But it didn't faze him.

Being alone didn't faze him – not anymore.

That's what he told himself.

But of course, deep inside him, he knew that it was a downright lie.

_kotoba ni suru no ga heta na  
anata no seikaku wakaru kara  
tooi mukashi ni nani ga atta no?  
shisen wo sorasu anata no hitomi ni_

**Still**

The training started.

It was hellish.

Something Cloud somehow expected and yet the fact still continued to shock him.

It was hard. Utterly hard.

And when he thought he could gain friends here at Shinra, his hope was once again crushed.

Somehow, they all seemed to hate Cloud.

Somehow, the world seemed to hate him.

Life was indeed cruel.

He felt more alone than he ever had before.

He was still alone.

Still.

_hitori de samishii yoru ni dakishime rareru  
sonna atataka sa shitteru?_

**SOLDIER First Class**

The he met him.

A bouncy, surprisingly nice First Class Soldier, who was smiling too widely in Cloud's opinion, banged the silent training room where the newcomers were practicing.

The first impression of Cloud was that he was loud.

Annoyingly loud, even.

Cloud warily eyed the SOLDIER. He had an unruly hair of blue-black – much wilder than his blond spikes.

He said he was Zack Fair and he was there to give the recruits a good smacking in the butt as an initiation that just received a handful of disbelieving looks from the cadets.

Cloud was watching at a safe corner, when those wild yet gentle violets orbs unexpectedly turned onto him that almost choked Cloud.

Those lively and vibrant eyes.

Cloud flinched and he looked away, afraid that he would anger the SOLDIER.

That was the last thing that he wanted – to annoy a certain higher-up that will put his dreams in jeopardy.

He was Zack Fair.

SOLDIER First Class.

_Why doushite katachi ni kodawaru no?  
Why kokoro wo hirai te  
ookina nimotsu wo seotta  
anata wo ukeire rareru chikara  
aru wa shinji te mi te?_

**Zack Fair was different**

Then the exasperating meetings started.

Zack was obviously took a liking to the blond kid and Cloud was more agitated than ever.

He was not comfortable with Zack's presence.

He was a First Class SOLDIER, for crying out loud.

One word from him and he would be thrown out outside the training compound of Shinra for good.

Then Cloud heard his laughter and someone ruffled his unruly blond locks. That time, he felt assurance, warmth and many other nice feelings swirl on his head all at once.

_Your hair's funny._

Cloud stared at him, eyes were bulging at their sockets.

Different. Somehow, he felt that this man was different from others.

Zack Fair was different.

**Before him**

Zack was certainly a very loud lad.

He's vivacious and full of life.

He was someone who saw Cloud as a fellow Soldier, despite of their painfully obvious difference in rank.

Someone who had called Cloud strange and unusual names that he had never heard someone called him before.

Cloudy.

Cloudiieee.

Clou-Clou.

Clowy.

He even called him 'bird' much to Cloud's chagrin. Those golden birds whose head was, according to the _great_ Zack, was exactly like his blond hair.

Chocobo.

Chocobo-head.

Choco-boy (wherein he said that had ever he had been a girl, he will call him choco-gal instead – that made Cloud trembled in exasperation).

Someone who forced Cloud to call him on his first name because he kept on calling him 'Sir' despite the cheerful and easy-going attitude of the First Class Soldier and threatened him with a huge smile etched on his face that he would pull his pants right in front of his idol, Sepiroth, saying something like 'he would be thrilled to see another side of you, Cloudy', that seriously made the corporal blushed furiously.

Cloud then was left with no choice but to submit on the man's whims.

_Zack._

The first time he tasted the name on his tongue, he blushed. That was the first time someone allowed him to do that.

To called someone on his first name means they're friend… right?

He didn't saw the immaculate smile crawled on the Zack's face and he probably will never see again.

Zack said something like, 'you're cute, y'know that?'

Cloud just stared at him in disbelief – his mouth was gaping wide open that the tall man eventually laughed heartily while ruffling his golden locks that just made him blushed more extremely than before, much to Zack amusement.

Regardless of his bizarre, odd, too-cheerful attitude, Cloud still firmly hoped to be like him someday. If not exactly like Sepiroth, then at least, just like Zack – the only friend he had since he join the Shinra Company.

No. Scratch that. Zack was the only friend that he had since he was a kid.

The lonely barrier that was wrapping Cloud for almost eternity slowly crumbled before him.

_jiyuu na hito wa bukiyou de?  
jiyuu na hito wa fuan de?_

**As he thought he was**

They will sometimes talk about many things that they have in common.

Cloud told him about his province, Nebelheim.

Zack unexpectedly laughed – he was laughing so hard that Cloud couldn't helped but pout – that just made Zack laugh even more.

Cloud asked why the hell he was laughing and the man just stared at him, his eyes were gleaming with so much mischievousness.

He said it sounds funny. The name of his province, that is.

Cloud then asked the laughing man about his province, his voice was laced with unhidden annoyance. Well, slightly.

The soldier proudly answered, gently whacking his chest with his fist.

_Gongaga._

It was now Cloud's turn to hoot a laugh.

Suck a backwater name, he thought.

He laughed a little bit more when he heard the man's voice turned defensive as he asked him what was so funny about the name of his place.

_It's was such a backwater name._

Zack just laughed.

_Ditto Nibelheim. _

Cloud looked up to the man and beamed.

He felt himself smiling for their unusual conversation.

Oddly enough, Cloud actually found it easy to laugh nowadays – especially if he was around a certain spiked-haired man.

Maybe... – Cloud looked up at the gray sky and he slowly closed his eyes – He wasn't as alone as he thought he was.

_Why kodoku na sora wo miageru no?_

**Changed**

Then things changed. Things cruelly and brutally changed.

Because change was the only thing constant in this world – in Cloud's world.

_Why waratte mise te yo_

**One-of-a-kind**

Cloud was always alone.

It was something he had already known for so long and somehow, through his dazed and mako-induced state, he had already accepted the nasty fact that he would never be what he had always dream to be.

A hero.

Someone like Sepiroth.

Or at least, someone like the great man called Zack – his friend who wasn't like any of the First Class SOLDIER's in Shinra Comapany.

A funny, sometimes obnoxious, cheerful, vibrant fellow.

Zack Fair.

A truly one-of-a-kind.

_kotoba ni suru no ga heta na_

**His Hero**

He was fighting for his dreams; he watched him stirred at the sky while gracefully dodging bullets after bullets like he was dancing to the tune of a soundless cry, barely echoing through their beating hearts.

For Cloud, it was far the greatest fight in Zack's SOLDIER's life – because Zack was fighting for _their _honor, dream, and life.

_I'll protect you, Cloud._

_Always have. Always will._

Someday, Cloud thought as he gathered his thoughts while staring languidly to his only friend fighting out there, he would very much like to be Zack.

Someone strong.

Disgustingly cheerful.

Someone who would die protecting his honor and dream while fearlessly protecting his friends.

He was Zack Fair.

And he was his hero.

**Late**

When he woke, he was utterly alone.

Life-sapping emptiness engulfed Cloud as he woke from his slumbering stupor, grinding his teeth as he tried to crawl to his dying comrade, broken and barely breathing.

He was late.

_Just keep on fighting, chocobo-head._

_Live.  
_

_anata no seikaku wakaru kara  
shinjite mite_

_._

_._

_Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return._

_You're my living legacy.  
_

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*Quark*

(EDITED: March 3, 2011) I almost choked myself to death, frustrated when I realized that I left SO MANY holes (bad grammar, wrong spellings, etc etc) in this fic when I first posted this yesterday. So, yep. I edited this and I posted some additional lines though I'm sure there are still a lot of errors here. I don't have a goddamn beta that's why I have to do the editing myself and well, I am not really that good in editing my own work because I tend to be bias especially if it's _my _work we're talking about. I guess everybody's just like that in some ways. So in short, I'm so useless without a beta. So, please pardon this fic's utter foolishness.


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